Another spiritual milestone in the lives of my children. Baby #2, my beautiful, creative, amazing 14-year-old, Loralei, has survived years of CCD and the time for Confirmation has come. The dress was bought (two nights before), rehearsal was attended (the night of my 10-year-old’s birthday), and prayers and responses were memorized. And then it hits me…Confirmation is on a Friday. That means it must be after work. That means it’s going to be a late night. That means…it’s right smack in the middle of BEDTIME. Now, if you have toddlers, you know one thing to be true. If you are out…in public…and that toddler (or in this case toddlers) decide it’s time for bed, and that comfy bed and special blanket are no where in sight, all bets are off. Those toddlers can “demon out” like Baby Jack Incredible in a split second (as shown in the feature picture for this blog).
How in the world was I going to get through Mass? Oh, and it’s not just any mass. It’s a sacrament mass. The LAST sacrament besides Marriage and Anointing of the Sick. This means this is no “one-hour-and-I’m-out-the-door-right-after-communion” deal. This means the Bishop is leading the service (not a priest), which means at least a 30-40 minute homily, plus extra time for the sacrament and then pictures with the Bishop after the service…with two toddlers and a 10-year-old, who’s ADDHD medication wears off by 3:00 pm and is still on a “my-birthday-was-yesterday” high. And did I mention there was NO CRY ROOM?!?!
Being the veteran parent that I am, I immediately went into survival mode. I mean, come on, this is not my first rodeo…I CAN do this.
Things that saved me:
- By the grace of God, Friday is pizza day at my school. Thankfully, a co-worker gave me some left-over pizza, which happened to be exactly enough to feed all 5 kids. So, as soon as I walked through the door, the toddlers went in the high chairs and dinner was served.
- While they were eating, I scoured the cabinets for any and every snack I had left. I typically do not encourage eating in church, however, my two-year-old is foodie and my three-year-old is a neat freak so I figured there wouldn’t be any mess so God would understand just this once.
- I remembered I had seen a brand new box of crayons in the drawer so I grabbed those and two (not one – two) small notebooks I had in the closet, making sure they were two different colors to head off any possible arguments in that department. Mental note – next time, grab TWO boxes of crayons.
- DO NOT FORGET THE BEHAVIOR STICKERS!! You see, my three-year-old likes to throw temper tantrums instead of using his words. So for now, getting stickers in his own “sticker” notebook, then counting to see how many he got that day, is my saving grace reward system. (There will be a whole other blog on that, lol.)
Now that my emergency kit was packed and in the car, it was time to clean up the kids and get them dressed. My daughter, being ever so the young lady, was already dressed with make-up by the time I got home. My 10 and 11-year-old’s got dressed and so began the “go get your socks and shoes on” marathon that usually endures for about 10 minutes. All I had to do was tie their ties (that’s when I officially earned my “Super Mom” cape) and they were set.
Time for the toddlers. I laid out three choices for my three-year-old. I know he dislikes getting dressed so if I give him choices in clothes and ask in a really excited voice which one he wants to wear, he will choose and feel all grown up. Nope – not today. Today, of all days, he wants to keep on his “teddy bear” shirt and jeans (his Friday uniform) and his “super cat speed” sneakers. So guess what? Today is your lucky day! We are just going to put the dress shirt and vest on over the teddy bear shirt. Done!
NEXT! The two-year-old. Now, Cam Cam LOVES to get dressed and go “bye bye”. And he’s becoming more and more independent every day. Like today, for example. When he went over to the flip-flop basket and insisted that he wear his beach sandals. So much so, that he started screeching every time I tried to change his shoes. Guess what? Yep, dress shirt, vest, jeans and…beach sandlas. OUT THE DOOR!
We made it to the church, early, and found a spot in the parking lot, which is notoriously known for never having enough space. I found the perfect tree to take a nice family picture before the ceremony, while the sun was still out. And here comes Baby Jack Incredible – demon out in full force. Cam Cam was NOT having it. So, I took the picture anyway and moved on to another activity…lizard hunting. He LOVES lizard hunting. Crisis averted.
THE CEREMONY –
Tip 1: I strategically waited until I saw the procession of Confirmandi coming toward the church before I even dared to go inside. I knew my kids’ attention span is that of a flea and I didn’t want to waste valuable sitting-quietly-in-the-pew time before the Mass even started. This seemed to work well because there was loud organ music playing when finally walked in and that kept them occupied.
Tip 2: Do not pull out any “this-is-going-to-keep-them-quiet-for-five-seconds” activities until you absolutely have to. Wait and see if the surroundings and wonder of the new environment and people will keep them busy, first. I got through the First Reading before I had to pull out the crayons. That lasted until Cameron dumped the entire box on the pew and then loudly said over and over again, “mess, mama, mess”. Trip outside #1
Tip 3: Get a program, identify immediately when you absolutely need to be present and on point for the child being honored, and then be prepared to go outside before and after that time. Know, for a fact, there is going to be a time when you are going to miss some of the event because toddlers just need that break (and by this time so do you).
Tip #4: Make your own “cry room”. All churches typically have an entrance area separate from the main part of the church. In this case, by a wood slatted partition. As in, you can stick your arms through and yes, the rest of the congregation can still hear you, type of partition. In front of the partition, there was an area I could walk back and forth with the two-year-old. There were chairs that they could stand on and watch the service through the slats. I even sat on the floor so I was their level, in fear of them getting off the chairs and running through the church, while I fed them snack after snack. Blake earned FIVE stickers during this 10 minute time period. I think at one point, I was making things up just to ensure he would continue behaving. I made it through the Gospel and the first 1/4 of the homily, then back outside again. This time, I let them run, and I mean run their little hearts out, up and down the sidewalk. Luckily, there were windows that allowed me to see in the church so I knew when communion was over. That was when I needed to head back in so I wouldn’t miss Loralei’s actual Sacrament of Confirmation. By this time, the only thing the two and three-year-old wanted to do was get their sippy cups and sit down. THE END.
Typically, at events like this, parents, especially parents of the honored child, become extremely anxious over the fact that everything needs to be perfect and the other kids need to be perfectly still and “Nobody make a sound, not one, single sound” because everyone has already pinpointed you as the family that’s going to disrupt the service with the gang of kids you had to bring with you and their “couldn’t you have gotten a babysitter” looks. (And by the way, no, I couldn’t get a babysitter because my “babysitter” is the one in the white dress about to receive the Holy Spirit.)
So just breathe. Know that your toddlers are going to act like toddlers, your ADDHD child won’t be able to sit still because the meds wore off, the honored child is worried you won’t see her at the big moment and the other child is feeling left out. Have enough patience for everyone to just get through this hour and a half. It is only temporary. The service, even though it feels like it won’t, will eventually end. Then, give lots of hugs, take lots more pictures and enjoy the peace in the car on the way home while the toddlers are sleeping. Trying to get them back to sleep once they get home – well, that’s another blog.
Oh, and those people staring? They’re probably thinking how much they miss the baby days with their own kids and how awesome a parent you are because you’re handling this with such ease and finesse. Yes, you. If not, those are their issues, not yours. The other 99% of the congregation can’t wait to tell you how well-behaved your children were.